Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
