I wish I only lived at night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
