There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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