Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
