just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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