when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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