i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
