____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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