He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
