I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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