If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
