just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
