i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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