I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
