If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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