She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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