I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
