I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dignity is for republicans.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
