Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
