At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
