My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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