Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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