With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
