shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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