The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
