Three words: puerto rican gang bang
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We had sex on a dog bed..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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