Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
