Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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