You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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