dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Barsexuality is the new black.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
