Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
