We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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