I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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