I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
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adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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