after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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