I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
