Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
