speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
