my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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