She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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