ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he shaved USA in his pubs
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
