I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
