he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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