today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We need a shit load of segways right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
