I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize