yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
