There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
