On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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