i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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