i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
