Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize