Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
