...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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