All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
