I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this will be a night to untag.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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