I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this will be a night to untag.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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