spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
