: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hippo gnu deer
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
