Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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