Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
