the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I could make wine with my vomit
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
