Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
