youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
